Landon's Photo

Well, once again... I am up way too late due to me just not wanting to go to bed yet.  I seriously think something is wrong with me.  Andy always tried to push me to go to bed by at least 10-10:30... (I used to fuss on him for going to bed without me when I was finishing up my school work... lol.  I was being silly I suppose!  lol... poor andy pandy... always having to put up with my late nights and winey butt!)  However, now I stay up way way way too late... I think I just ... idk....... maybe it's just sleepless and restless nights.  Who knows... but probably part of what sam and I call === widow(er)'s curse.  

So.... I have been blown away once again by Landon's picture being spread viral on the web.  I can't believe that it was on national news the other night... wow.  I was thinking... how come I didn't know about my baby being on the national news??????  lol.  Hmmmmm...... (don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing)
ANYWAYS!  I was actually checking my email tonight and noticed I had received an email from Marcia, the photographer, letting me know she permitted them to use it and that it was going to be on the news that night.  I had given Marcia permission a long time ago to permit anyone to post it... so that is why she agreed that it was fine... which is fine with me.  :)
I mean, I kinda wish they had called me too... but no biggie considering it is now viral on the internet... so, really... what's the difference right?!  I think if it is being seen as a way to get a message across to people... then I am proud to have had it taken and for so many to view it and share it.  Hopefully it at least brings more awareness to our men and women fighting overseas and having to leave their families here at home to worry about them and miss them constantly...

Honestly, I can't say much because before I knew Andy... I had no clue about all the different branches of military and what was even going on in the world.  All I cared about was me and my school work and figuring out what the heck I wanted to do in life.  The thought of our troops being overseas never really crossed my mind.  I never once thought about families losing loved ones or the fact that these boys live in such harsh conditions and go through such traumatic experiences that just any 'civilian' would not and could not even imagine.

Once I met Andy... I slowly learned about how a military life is lived.  I had to miss Andy a lot.  I had to worry about Andy a lot.  I wasn't able to talk to him every single day like I wanted to.  He had deployment.  The intense trainings and duties and work parties... it's just part of it.  I never knew what military was until then.  It was at this point that I began to cherish every moment we had together... because we didn't get much time together at all. 
These boys and girls train hard.  They do not give up.  They do their best.  They are truly the strongest people... both mentally and physically.

Along with my slow growth of living my now and then 'military life'... I never dreamed for Andy to be killed.  Even with Andy in the military and me being a military spouse... I never once stopped and thought about anyone else who may have lost someone close to them.  You know how it goes... you do not believe that something like this is going to happen... until it happens to you.
I actually remember going to a meeting right before this deployment.  I remember being upset and calling Andy about it.  I told him that I wish I didn't even go to that meeting because it is not what I wanted to hear right before him leaving.  Well, it was a meeting based on 'If something happens to your marine...this is what happens and what you need to do to prepare'.  Okay......... yeah....... you kinda get the idea.  It was information like... who would come to your door.  What they would be wearing.  They call when he is still alive... but knock if he is dead.  Do this and that... 'just in case'.
I was thinking... oh my goodness... I am NOT going to 'prepare' myself for a 'just in case' death of my husband.  I don't think so!!!!  That is just asking for something to happen!  Besides, NOTHING was going to happen to MY hubby!  Well...............................yeah.
It. Happened.

ANYWAYS........ my main point of that is that I, too, was someone who never took the time out of my own day and life to really think about the sacrifices being made.  The ULTIMATE sacrifices.  The ones where wives lose their hubbies and hubbies lose their wives.  The ones where children lose their daddy or mommy.  A brother.  A sister.  A child.  .......  I never ever cared about it to a point that I was concerned.  Yes, it was always sad if I heard of something happening, but I am so guilty of not ever reaching out somehow to these families going through these hard times.  And, honestly.... I still haven't gotten to the point of actually 'helping' someone else out who is going through what I went through.  I do think... well, hope and pray... that God will lay it on my heart when the time is right for me to be there for someone... (just like my very good friend Stacy was for me... thank you, Stacy!  :))

Back to the photo..... out of curiosity tonight, I googled the photo of Landon.  I was totally blown away at the amount of web results I received.  I was able to read many wonderful comments!  It is so incredible that this picture has had such a strong impact on SO. MANY. PEOPLE.  That is way cool to me.  :)

However, I want to clarify something very important...
Because I have read some not so nice comments about me apparently thriving for attention, or the fact that some people do kindly comment for us to remember ALL of the sacrifices being made and not just Andy's... I was not so sure about the words that were written beneath the photo on MANY of the websites I went to from recent postings:

"Baby Landon’s Mom wants his story to be known."


I want to definitely clarify that, yes, I do want Landon's photo to be seen because I have seen the impact it has been making on so many people... and if Andy's death is being used in this way... to help others 'remember the fallen' or to say a huge 'thank you' to our troops... then I am going to support the flow of this photograph.  On the other hand, I think that these words can be taken in a not so good way.  I do not care if Andy's 'STORY' is known... I want for the photo to represent 'Ultimate Sacrifice' for representation to ALL MILITARY.  This is not just about me or Landon... and really hope that people see that... which, I think most do!  

This is about the sacrifices that are made by the men and women of our armed forces.  This is about the families who are left behind.  The sweet little children... oh my... all those sweet babies... all those sweet school-age kids... all those amazing teenagers.  All of the children of the men and women who die serving our country.  Every. Single. One.  

It is a fact that those children who actually were close with their mom or dad or step-mom or step-dad... all those children... they are hurting SO BAD.  No... Landon did not get to meet his father.  And, no... Andy did not get to meet his son... which has made me cry a thousand tears... but at least Landon did not have to lose his daddy at 5 years old... or at 10 years old.  It hurts me terribly to know he was never held in his daddy's arms... but I do see Landon as blessed in a since that he did not suffer from a sudden loss.  His loss is going to be much different as he lives his life.  He will grow up already 'dealing' with it... these other children who waved goodbye to their daddy or mommy on deployment day... those are the babies that we for sure need to pray for as well.  Bless their little hearts... 

To sum up (Cause I have GOT to go to bed!), my intentions for this photo is not to give myself nor Landon more attention than anyone else who too goes through this... this is to represent all of our military men and women who willingly put themselves out there and for the families who have loved ones who have given their life, an ultimate sacrifice, for our country.

God bless our troops!  


Also, please pray for those who now suffer from the post-deployment effects.  PTSD... and nightmares... and how they deal with it...  It is a real thing.  Let's not forget about them either.  They are my heroes because, even though they do not tell me anything about what went on, they fought back after my husband was killed.  Thank you, boys.  I love you guys so so much.  You are and will always be mine and Landon's heroes too.  ALWAYS.  <3


"many people will walk in and out of your lives, but your father has left his footprints in your hearts forever"  --- a facebook user (found on facebook under a post of landon's pic... these words hit home for me)